10,000 BC
One doesn’t go into a Roland Emmerich film expecting oodles of historical accuracy and context. One goes into a Roland Emmerich film expecting to see some ludicrous shit happen and 2008’s 10,000 BC delivers the ludicrous with a big fat dosage of mammoths. The movie is, as you might expect, set in 10,000 BC and really invites all the criticism about inaccuracy it generates. It is unapologetic, it seems, in its massive and obnoxious scope.
Make no mistake about it, this thing is absolutely silly and dumb. But I still enjoyed it a heck of a lot more than any of Michael Bay’s Transformers movies and the awful Twilight films. The effects are about on par with the horrible New Moon wolves, but there’s something to this giant dose of cheese that Emmerich pulls together and it’s a lot of fun to watch these people meander around such a ridiculous plot.
Steven Strait as D’Leh, our protagonist and one of the Yagahl tribe. They hunt woolly mammoths, of course. One day, D’Leh winds up killing a mammoth all by himself and wins the white spear, a token of the tribe’s affection. He also wins Evolet (Camilla Belle), a woman with unique blue eyes and prehistoric eyeliner. They fall in love, but Emmerich isn’t really concerned with that.
Horse-raiders eventually swoop down on the Yagahl tribe and kidnap Evolet and some others. D’Leh, along with Tic’Tic (Cliff Curtis) and Ka’Ren (Mo Zinal) go after them. This journey takes them to some pretty weird places and into some pretty hairy situations, including a face-to-face encounter with a silly-looking sabre-toothed tiger and a crew of slaves building some sort of pyramid-like structure. It’s up to D’Leh and Co. to save the day and win back the girl, of course. There are also giant turkeys.
Now the beauty of 10,000 BC is that schlock king Emmerich plays the thing very seriously. He may or may not be aware of just how dumb and inaccurate this film is, but his attempts to gather mood and tone are laughable. The director even hauls in poor Omar Sharif, who must be looking for a paycheque that doesn’t involve giving bridge tips, to narrate. It’s cheesy but ultimately very fun.
The reason I’m giving 10,000 BC a slight recommendation is that fun factor. Here is a movie that looks and feels like a corny throwback to Sunday matinee goodness. It’s a lumbering, stupid epic of a picture that fills its time well and actually maintains a pretty good pace, surprisingly. The action sequences are fun enough, even though the CGI and effects leave a lot to be desired, and the performers are just interesting enough to get behind.
If you can check your brain at the door for this one, chances are you’ll enjoy 10,000 BC well enough. It’s not worth spending any serious amount of money on, but it is worth a look if it happens to come by on a movie channel or if it’s sitting in the bargain bin at your rental outlet. Strait does an admirable job trying to keep a straight face and Belle’s performance as a love interest provides just that little touch of eye candy to keep it moving.
So while there will be a few people who will lament the existence of this giant steaming ball of crappy fun due to its blatant historical inaccuracy, making the decision to celebrate the schlock every once in a while is something a true movie nut should do. It’s not a good movie, to be sure, but I did have a good time watching 10,000 BC.
Trailer:
