Furthering the idea that Americans are turning out some of the dumbest morons in the educational world is American Pie Presents Beta House, a straight-to-DVD piece of crap that feeds one idiotic stereotype after another. This 2007 “comedy” was directed by Andrew Waller – not the cricket player – and apparently picks up where The Naked Mile left off. Having not seen that masterpiece, I was decidedly lost upon entry with American Pie Presents: Beta House. Needless to say, I think I got the gist of things pretty quickly.
Okay, sure. This movie’s fine if you like stuff you don’t have to think about too much. If your idea of higher education is that of rich white kids and rare token black people dancing around with girls in schoolgirl uniforms – I wonder what Freud would say about the male obsession with those things, by the way – drinking a lot and getting into all sorts of horny shenanigans, this movie is going to be right up your alley. Just don’t blame me when the real world comes calling and you realize that spending eight years in college and bagging a list of girls that fills up both sides of yellow notepaper is actually not all that cool.
The movie begins with Mr. Stifler (Christopher McDonald) dropping his son Erik (John White) and his friend Cooze (Jake Siegel) off at college. During the drop, Mr. Stifler tries to get a pair of young girls to bang his son and promptly tells the boys that college is the time to basically treat as many girls like animals as possible. The young misogynists lap it up and head off to their college experience, meeting up with Dwight Stifler (Steve Talley) and pledging the “legendary” Beta House fraternity. Now it may be that I’m a Canadian and that we don’t consider college to be the “best years of our lives” before the grind of reality sets in, but I don’t get nor care to get the fascination with fraternities and sororities.
It isn’t long before we meet the enemies. Another fraternity called Epsilon Sigma Kappa (GΕΣΚ, get it?) is set up as the rivals to Beta House. Why are they rivals? Well, you see, those other frat boys are “geeks.” They like learning things and feel that college is supposed to be an educational experience, while the other goons feel that college is about frittering away thousands of dollars of rich daddy’s money and getting laid and wasted as much as possible. Nevermind the fact that tens of thousands of inner city kids would kill for an opportunity to use education as a better path to something greater, we’ve got a party to throw! (You’ll have to excuse my vitriol, but this American movie trend of turning college into some party zone is really idiotic and insulting to large portions of the population who can’t afford a higher education).
This insulting and insipid war between the frats inhabits this movie like a cancer. I couldn’t help cheering for the “geeks,” but the stereotypes were downright disturbing (how many Asians were in the “cool” frat?). Oh, and Gene Levy appears in this stinker because he’s in good need of a paycheque. Bravo, Gene. One of the finest performers in Canadian comedic history and it’s down to this shit.
So this misogynistic, racist, idiotic piece of crap does contain enough breasts and stereotypically loose women to satisfy fans of porn not old enough to properly rent or buy an “adult DVD,” but for purposes other than a bit of self-handling, this movie is just tripe. The girls are treated like buffoons and discarded pieces of meat or bottle openers, while the guys we’re supposed to like are so stupid I’d like to punch all of them in the balls repeatedly. The setups are so stupid that I felt like I was getting dumber for just having watched the thing and the humour is as hard to spot as an Asian in Beta House.
This movie is terrible in just about every way possible and makes Old School look like Hamlet.
0/10
Trailer:
