Good Luck Chuck
Every so often I see a movie that is so appallingly bad that I question the sanity of the filmmakers. Good Luck Chuck is such a film. This film just feels scummy and slimy, like a fresh shower is needed after watching it because it is so awful that it actually reeks and turns the screen a disgusting shade of brown. So terrible is Good Luck Chuck that it ranked at 2% over at Rotten Tomatoes among the critics and managed to squeak a 34% out of the users, most of whom are comprised of basement dwelling teen boys eager for a peek at boobies or teen girls that inexplicably think Dane Cook is funny.
Good Luck Chuck is a little like watching brain damage, frankly. There are so many inexplicable jokes with poor timing that don’t fit anywhere, like the ridiculous Frisbee in the park nonsense and the whole character of the “sidekick,” that the film began to make me long for Epic Movie, Date Movie, Scary Movie, or any of the other “Movie” counterparts. That’s the equivalent of choosing the quick death over the slow and painful death, as at least the “spoof” have enough self-awareness to know that what they’re doing is moronic. Good Luck Chuck is so inherently flawed because it doesn’t know it’s stupid and it doesn’t think it’s moronic, so its inexorable slide to fall flat on its face can be seen from the opening credits right on through to the bitter end.
Dane Cook stars in this crapfest as Chuck, a guy with a curse that has made him immensely popular with women. The curse, which was put on him when he was at at some sort of “spin-the-bottle” party, declares that nobody will fall in love with Chuck and he’ll be the veritable springboard for romantic success for whomever is unfortunate enough to date him. Poor little Chuck is hexed by a goth girl – of course, it’s always the goth girls – and is destined to live the rest of his life having meaningless sex because he wouldn’t make out with the ten year old who whipped off her top. Yep, I’m serious. Every single woman Chuck sleeps with will break up with him and move on to marry someone else. I’m describing the plot so much because I’m hoping it will make some sense. I was wrong; it is that dumb.
So Chuck grows up, as kids often do, and still hangs out with his tubby friend Stu (Dan Fogler), who is an abhorrent individual who is a plastic surgeon giving breast implants to beautiful women. Stu brags about groping and feeling up women all day long, while Chuck has to relegate himself to his less-glamourous occupation as a dentist. The idea that tubby Stu is such a pervert is supposed to be hilarious, as they keep telling us it is each time the moron is on screen. Anyway, Chuck is at a wedding and he meets Cam Wexler (Jessica Alba), who works with the penguins at the zoo. Chuck falls for Wexler, but Wexler injures him profusely and rips the top off of his convertible some time later. She doesn’t want anything to do with him, so Chuck decides to make good on the “curse” and gives women what they want by screwing them senseless to let them find the man of their dreams. Hilarity ensues, as we are “treated” to a God-awful montage of sex and Dane Cook. I’ll never be the same again, so let’s just say it was terrifying and more frightening than any recent horror film I’ve seen. Think Linda Blair and pea soup terrifying.
So basically, Chuck finally – after boning hundreds of women in gloriously grotesque and demeaning fashion and having a mercy lay with the “fat chick” – winds up having a crisis of conscience and decides to pursue Wexler. From that point, Good Luck Chuck tries to transform itself into some sort of romantic comedy with sugary sweetness that feels more forced by the minute and demands more acting chops than Dane Cook can muster. So there you have it, that’s Good Luck Chuck in a nutshell. Reading my review is likely the safest and most inspiring way to get the gist of this film, by the way, as actually watching it may cause organ failure, brain damage, and a host of other mental problems. Consider this my service to the public.
A quick run-down of the basic problems with this film will suffice, as a full assault on such a huge piece of crap isn’t really necessary to get this one flushed properly. So, here we go. First, “Chuck” isn’t ever called “Chuck” except in the stupid title of the stupid film and in my stupid review to save time and space (ha!). Second, Jessica Alba looks like a girl scared out of her wits and surrounded by a bunch of filthy, unfunny, idiotic boys led by the abhorrent Dane Cook, so one of the defining actual glories of this film is praying for her desperate escape. Third, one of many peculiarities about Stu and Charlie’s business relationship is that their offices, the dentist office and the implant shop, are separated by a single door as if they’re adjoined at the hip. This allows Charlie to come waltzing over at any time and announce his opinion on the latest in Stu’s “work.” Fourth, Alba’s klutziness has absolutely no purpose whatsoever and isn’t funny, endearing, or evocative of any significant character trait. It’s just a stupid distraction and an excuse to have the poor girl’s dress rip off. Fifth, the whole scenario with the second “fat chick” in the film is repulsive and not in any sort of quasi-entertaining or humourous way. The chick Stu sets Charlie up with to break the hex is shown in all of her glory in an embarrassingly terrifying way, downgrading the film again into the depths of sub-juvenile craptitude. Sixth, it stars Dane Cook.
Look, I could go on and on about this film. Likely, however, most people reading this review already know how terrible Good Luck Chuck is and aren’t waiting for the Canadian Cinephile to blast forth with some sort of revelation from the heavens on stone tablets. Good Luck Chuck has the distinct honour of being the absolute worst film I have seen from 2007 and one of the worst films I have seen in my entire life. It is that bad.
Trailer:
