Swimfan
Swimfan is a 2002 drama/psychological thriller brought to us by director John Polson (Siam Sunset). The film is considered a sort of Fatal Attraction for teenagers, except like most films for teenagers, the film appears to grossly misfire on almost all of the elements of what being a teen really means. Instead, we have rich/upper class kids fiddling around having affairs that contain all of the eroticism of seasoned veterans and committing crimes that most sociopaths would be ashamed of. The notion that we’re supposed to buy any of these characters as “teens” goes out the window about three minutes into this piece of tripe.
But I digress. Swimfan isn’t all bad. The film stars Jesse Bradford (Bring It On, Clockstoppers) in the role Michael Douglas made famous. Bradford’s Ben Cronin is supposed to be a high-school swimmer (there’s a popular high school sport) that had a past involving drug issues and criminal activity. All well and good so far, except that Bradford was close to his mid-twenties when he was playing Cronin. That leap in logic aside, Cronin wants to be in the Olympics. He also works as an assistant of some sort at the local hospital, a job which would not be given to a high school student in America (he’s administering medication and the like).
Okay, fine. So Ben Cronin as a character is paper-thin and unrealistic without ever opening his mouth. That doesn’t mean Swimfan is doomed to failure at the outset, does it? Of course not, lots of films have presented overblown implausible characters and have recuperated for long enough to turn out a decent entertaining yarn. Cronin’s got the ideal life at this point: the swimming is great, the pool temperature is always warm, work is good and he’s got a cutesy little girlfriend at school that goes by the name of Amy Miller (Shiri Appleby). Like most high schoolers with perfect lives, he eventually fouls it all up. Along comes the seductress Madison Bell (Erika Christensen). Ben and Madison eventually sleep together (sorta, they screw in a pool) and everything in Ben’s life gets shot to hell.
Madison becomes the obsessive stalker-type, as soon as she is met with any sign of rejection from Ben. She starts to spiral out of control, sending him loads of emails and showing up at his house to have tea with Ben’s mother. Ben freaks out, Madison tells Amy and Ben’s relationship with Amy hits the sticks. Ben gets mad, threatens Madison, Madison fires back by committing a series of actions that is so implausible given the context of the story that it’s laughable. The camera also unnervingly decides on a new style about halfway through and gives us scenes complete with music video-style jumps and twitches, possibly to reflect Madison’s descent into insanity. Regardless, it was distracting and stupid, just like the dumb blue filter they used to make every single room and location seem poorly lit and awkward.
Swimfan fails because it doesn’t provide good characters or a plot with quality or remarkable substance. It also fails because it sucks. I know, most of you have come to expect more from me in terms of a review as I usually scale out my reasons quite compellingly. Still, in the case of Polson’s putrid Swimfan, a lot of the problems are placed squarely in the undefinable act of stinking up a film so badly that it resonates in an area that is beyond the recognition of anyone with an appreciation for good cinema.
If I had to pinpoint a few particular points of “suck” in Swimfan, I’d probably start with the casting. Bradford as Ben is so grossly uninteresting that one doesn’t care about what happens to his character and Christensen is so miscast as the psychotic Madison that it’s not even funny. Christensen’s cute, not erotic or sensually tempting. She’s got a bit of a pudgy face, no offense, and doesn’t strike me as the vixen that would lure Ben from the confines of a perfectly good life.
More points of “suck” in Swimfan include the awful musical direction, the terrible blue lighting choices, bad script and implausible sequences. I lost it right when Ben jumps into the pool to headbutt one of his floating dead friends. The scene was treated with such callous disregard and schlock value that it became a floating advertisement for all things wrong with making teen thrillers. Everyone’s seemingly trying to be an adult in Swimfan because all of the actors basically ARE adults. Too bad Polson couldn’t put on his big boy pants and make a proper film.
Okay, so it is all bad.
Trailer:
